it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize