I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
