In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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