ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
