We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
