My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize