I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
