I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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