I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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