what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
