Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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