My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
