Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
how drunk are you?
Several
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
