Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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