I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
