R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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