i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Houston, we have a squirter
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
