Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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