took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
