i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
