She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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