They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
