yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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