next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
