Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
