i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
