Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
