it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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