I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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