just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
