with your own penis?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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