i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
