As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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