Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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