Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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