We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Found your dick twin last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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