That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
