Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
