when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
