your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I had to cum in my sink.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
