At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
