Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
