sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
