am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The best revenge is premature balding
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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