Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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