I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
