And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
