the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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