My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
