The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we should paint friendship bongs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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