Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
