Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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