dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She told me I should be a condom model.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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