woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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