Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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