im six kinds of drunk right now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
