he wants to bone in the snuggie
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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