my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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