6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
