Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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