Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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