i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
