i already hear my dad disowning me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
