just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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