Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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