It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
