and she was petting her beer can
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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