My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
