I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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