Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I understand Curling. That high.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
