Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
