I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
