you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
