I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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