Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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