he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
