Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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